The gair rhydd magazine, published by the students of Cardiff University

Vagina Monologues

By Claire Power

The Vagina Monologues: well, let’s just say I was pleasantly surprised. Thinking The Vagina Monologues was going to be full of feminists lecturing about women’s rights, I was initially apprehensive. As it turned out, I was entertained by the real-life experiences of several women and yes, you’ve guessed it, their vaginas.

Jerry Hall, Ruth Madoc and Nikki Sanderson carefully crafted the humorous and intense experiences of women as they discover how to orgasm, live through the experience of childbirth and express the more tragic and serious events the women have encountered.

Jerry Hall begins with a monologue about shaving your wotsits down below at the request of her selfish husband. Ruth Madoc portrays the poignant story of an old woman who was afraid to discover herself. Nikki Sanderson brilliantly performs the delicate story of a refugee and the harrowing experiences she encountered as a result of gang rape. Just three of many varied monologues.

Now for the interesting facts that I have to share with you, or should I say ‘clit facts’. This truthful show added a bit of pantomime behaviour to get the audience in on the action. We were informed of the ‘clit facts’ earlier on in the show and whenever anyone shouted ‘clit facts,’ everyone had to shout them out; prepare to be amazed (including you men). ‘Clit Facts’:

- The clitoris is the only organ in the body made purely for pleasure

- It has 8,000 nerve endings

- It is more sensitive than the fingers, the lips and the tongue

- And (this is the best part) the clitoris is twice, yes that’s twice, as sensitive as the penis. So there you have it, a show that is entertaining, heart-warming, empowering, funny, eye-opening and educational. A definite success.

This Week

Latest Edition

Issue 52 - Front Page

A Little Less Conversation

Women: It’s time to put the volume firmly on ‘mute’...

In Review: M.A.C.H

Modified Air Combat Heroes Is an acronym that has blatantly been reverse engineered by twatty marketing types. People who get to wear their own clothes to work and use phrases like ‘edgy’ and ‘bling’ far too much.

In Review: Urban dictionary

In between spay-painting small horses with swastikas and sniffing glue the youth of today still like to chew the fat from time to time. Unfortunately the cretins have adopted a bizarre type of new-speak which can leave “me-mans” (myself and some of my close friends) “well vexed” (Perplexed, Peeved). That’s where the Urban dictionary comes in. With this peer monitored compendium of British and American slang you can find out what the little twazocks actually said to you before you walked off full of impotent rage and self loathing. Yay. To elaborate. After hearing a rap-tune recently I heard the word “skeet” a term with which I was unfamiliar. Consulting the Urban dictionary I discovered that skeet is a verb that describes, “Bustin’ a nut in a skizzles grill” or, the act of ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Other notable explanations submitted included the rather quaint: “To drop a banana item in Mario Kart 64, thereby causing a trailing opponent to slip on it and skid out” and the colorful “Something I would love to do on the Olsen twins. “The real fun lies in contrasting the Neanderthal with the surely mock-serious entries. Of course some helpful souls point out the real meaning of the word (something to do with clay pigeon shooting) but it is all done very tongue in cheek. A running dialogue on the site led one poster to claim it was a word which White people only heard about from the comedian Dave Chapelle. This in turn led one of his fellows to inform us that it is a completely fictional word invented by black people because they needed something to do in between collecting welfare cheques. As if via osmosis the stupidity seeps into you brain and you can impress the Gs in your hood with your newfound knowledge and/or prejudices lest ye be merced by your in the know peers.

Andrew Bird - Armchair Aprocrypha

John

TMNT

Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird were two young comic book artists who conceived the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1984 as the result of a joke.

The Gig-goer

Nick leans on the bar, pint in hand; his head nodding slightly to the music. His face is masked by long, greasy strands of hair, (he tells people that he hasn’t had it cut in over a year with a sense of pride). At last the headlining band come on stage, and Nick downs his pint and lurches forward into the crowd.

LCD Soundsystem

To call LCD Soundsystem a ‘band’ would be somewhat like calling Robbie Williams ‘a bit of a drama queen.’ LCD Soundsystem are a fully-fledged multi-limbed funk contraption.

Klaxons - Gravity’s Rainbow

Bursting out of the traps like a sprightly ‘Nu Rave’ greyhound is Gravity’s Rainbow. While the band might have since started a cult, popularised glow-sticks and revived indie-dance music, this re-released track is perhaps their finest moment, with thumping drums and a bass line to die for.

Kaiser Chiefs - Everything is Average Nowadays

This must have been the Kaiser Chiefs attempt at irony, because, even for them, it’s really bland and ‘average.’ However, I am going to like this single to annoy all the trendy scenesters with leggings and haircuts from faux-Japanese hairdressers who regard them as ‘uncool.’ Because I hate them more.

Seefeel - Quique (redux)

Eeeeeeeeeeel