Is chivalry dead?

By Ben Bryant & Helen Rathbone

Yay

Story #1: A couple of months ago I was at my girlfriend’s house. One of her female flatmates was talking about her boyfriend. More specifically, her chivalrous boyfriend. “He always has to walk me home,” she said. “I know it’s dark and it’s late, and a long way, but it’s kind of… patronising.”

Okay then, chivalry’s dead. I admit it. Feminism killed it off. It died a long-overdue death at the hands of the independent career woman, sick of being bought carnations and Milk Tray and other cheap clich’es; who told me she could damn well buy her own lunch; who got down on one knee and proposed; and who pulled out a strap-on so that I’d know what it’s like to be penetrated (Now That’s What I Call EmasculationTM!)

But chivalry was rubbish anyway. I mean, let’s take Valentine’s Day as a case-in-point. This is the last remnant – the degree zero of chivalric culture. This is where it all happens. We buy flowers, we buy chocolates, we seduce and destroy. All women are ‘the grateful type’. They must be taken out to films and meals and fully paid for. So as the men spread their peacock feathers and try to outdo each other in manly displays of chivalry – because, let’s face it, that’s what happens – the women can kick back and suck it all up. Guys – it’s time to move on. Women have changed. Men must adapt to survive! Quick, before they get our sperm!

Story #2: I was at a club a few days ago with a bunch of my friends. The dancefloor was crowded, and I saw an argument kick off between one of my girl friends and another girl – we shall call her Guinevere. Guinevere, mashed beyond coherency, decided to try to punch my friend, and drunkenly collapsed on the floor long before her Lancelot arrived to kick off with me. Welcome to the 21st century (she’s no woman, she’s a whoa-man etc).

Let’s face it, girls don’t need rescuing anymore, and in the days that they did, the only people they needed saving from were ponces like Lancelot (the real one, not the drunken yob). The Lady of Shallot. She turns around to tell Lancelot to quit prancing around on his horse and fuck off (can’t you see I’m trying to weave? etc) and then she dies for looking at him. This is why super-feminists hate men. Anyway, I don’t care ‘cause I’m reinventing myself as a metrosexual “ubersexual (amongst other bon mots [sic]). I’m gonna moisturise and stuff, it’ll be great.

Last point? Cut to Valentine’s Day, and my future flatmate’s just told me the average man spends about ninety pounds on a girl. Damn, they’re smart…

Ben Bryant

Nay

Is Chivarly dead? I blooming hope not. Not because I am a spoilt and needy girl who feels that it is a boy’s duty to buy her flowers and treat her to candlelit dinners five times a week, but simply because chivalry is a thing that should exist between us all. If that sounds a bit too fluffy and nice for all you tough guys and girls out there then read on before you pass judgement.

If to you the idea of being chivalrous conjures up images of the noble gent rescuing the damsel in distress, or the laying down of a coat over a puddle for ‘madame’ to walk over, then think again. This is the 21st century after all.

Firstly, exhange the word ‘chivalry’ with ‘generosity’. for that is all it is. Being chivalrous is another way of acting with kindness and affection. The idea of being chivalrous has been pulled apart by feminists over recent years who argue that it is condescending and demeaning, yet this implies that they see it as a role being played by men in the first place. If what they believe in is equality between the sexes then surely chivalry is something that could, and should, exist between both males and females. And in any case, is being offered a jacket when you are cold really that demeaning? Is holding a door open patronising? Surely it is just a matter of being polite, and what’s the harm in that?

Disregard gender. Next time you are wining and dining offer to pay the bill, or at least part of it. It is not that the person you are with should have to pay the bill, it is that they should if they want to, so give them the choice. Blokes should be allowed the opportunity of offering to buy a girl a drink without sounding sleazy and guys shouldn’t think of girls as being brash if they take the initiave first.

Being chivalrous isn’t such a bad thing, and it is certainly not something that we should let die out without a fight. Essentially all i’m saying is show a little bit of love, respect, good manners and good will to all men, and women of course!

Helen Rathbone