Quench
Oldies But Goodies/Baddies
Super Mario Brothers
When I was five I loved this game, and I still love it now. It was best played on its original UK release format the NES. Having no save function meant that after 15 arduous hours of Koopa stomping, the ridiculously un-ergonomic pad became harder to hold on to than a monogamous girlfriend at an ‘I-look-a-lot-like-that-guy-your-girlfriend-fancies’ party. Perseverance as always was the key, and after numerous sick days I found myself treated to the delightful end sequence. Mario has crossed both fire and ice, dealt with monsters the likes of which most plumbers will never encounter. He could have stayed at home charging extortionate prices for fixing stop cocks. But he went out on a limb for love. And how does frigid Princess Peach repay him? A simple, platonic kiss. At-the tender age of five I learnt a valuable lesson about the class system. Mario, no matter how hard he tries will always be a plumber and Kate Middleton will never reply to my letters.
Continue reading...Re-living the dream
The green creature that forward rolled and somersaulted into his opponents was my choice of character in Street Fighter 2, which I played on the super Famicom that my step-brother had bought mail order from China. It was the only game that I would play by myself. To me gaming was all about standing up in a café feeding ten pence pieces into a big machine. It was all about the company of the other kids crowding around a small screen to see if you could find the right portal or kill the end boss while drinking blue slush puppies through a straw.
Continue reading...In Review: COMMAND & CONQUER 3: TIBERIUM WARS
I’ve looked forward to this game for ages and now I’m disappointed. If this game had been released four years ago it would be hailed as one of the best RTS in history, it would have received plaudits from the most resonant of it’s critics and I would’ve been absolutely chevved.
Continue reading...In Review: Urban dictionary
In between spay-painting small horses with swastikas and sniffing glue the youth of today still like to chew the fat from time to time. Unfortunately the cretins have adopted a bizarre type of new-speak which can leave “me-mans” (myself and some of my close friends) “well vexed” (Perplexed, Peeved). That’s where the Urban dictionary comes in. With this peer monitored compendium of British and American slang you can find out what the little twazocks actually said to you before you walked off full of impotent rage and self loathing. Yay. To elaborate. After hearing a rap-tune recently I heard the word “skeet” a term with which I was unfamiliar. Consulting the Urban dictionary I discovered that skeet is a verb that describes, “Bustin’ a nut in a skizzles grill” or, the act of ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Other notable explanations submitted included the rather quaint: “To drop a banana item in Mario Kart 64, thereby causing a trailing opponent to slip on it and skid out” and the colorful “Something I would love to do on the Olsen twins. “The real fun lies in contrasting the Neanderthal with the surely mock-serious entries. Of course some helpful souls point out the real meaning of the word (something to do with clay pigeon shooting) but it is all done very tongue in cheek. A running dialogue on the site led one poster to claim it was a word which White people only heard about from the comedian Dave Chapelle. This in turn led one of his fellows to inform us that it is a completely fictional word invented by black people because they needed something to do in between collecting welfare cheques. As if via osmosis the stupidity seeps into you brain and you can impress the Gs in your hood with your newfound knowledge and/or prejudices lest ye be merced by your in the know peers.
In Review: M.A.C.H
Modified Air Combat Heroes Is an acronym that has blatantly been reverse engineered by twatty marketing types. People who get to wear their own clothes to work and use phrases like ‘edgy’ and ‘bling’ far too much.
Continue reading...- In Review: M.A.C.H
- In Review: Urban dictionary
- In Review: COMMAND & CONQUER 3: TIBERIUM WARS
- Re-living the dream
- Oldies But Goodies/Baddies
- In Review: Final Fantasy XII
- In Review: The Sims Life Stories
- In review: www.crimelibrary.com
- In Review: www.grouphug.us
- More good stuff
- The Final Countdown
- In Review:EGOTASTIC.COM
- In Review: VIDEOJUG.COM
- Making Historwii: James Temperton
- Future Classics: Ewen Hosie’s Gamecube Gems
- FIFA Street 2
- FIFA 2006 Road to World Cup
- Namco museum 50th anniversary arcade collection
- Condemned: Criminal Origins
- Battlefield 2: Modern Combat
- The Outfit
- Black
- Kameo
- Amped 3
- The Movies
Issue 52
Issue 51
Issue 50
Issue 49
Issue 39
Issue 38
Issue 37
This Week
Latest Edition
Mixtape 1
Why are you so shit?’ Another Gindrinker concert, another moron not quite getting it. To be fair, it’s not hard to see why, screeched vocals about Bullseye and guitar rape in abundance does not a happy emo crowd make.
Sunshine
Dir: Danny Boyle, Starring: Cillian Murphy, Rose Bryne, Chris Evans
Kaiser Chiefs - Everything is Average Nowadays
This must have been the Kaiser Chiefs attempt at irony, because, even for them, it’s really bland and ‘average.’ However, I am going to like this single to annoy all the trendy scenesters with leggings and haircuts from faux-Japanese hairdressers who regard them as ‘uncool.’ Because I hate them more.
Light Years To Nothing - Soft Hearted Scientists
Jangly, mesmerising future folk guitar that undulates from the Cardiff-based pseudo-scientists specialising in lyrical one-liners. Complemented with soft touches of synthesiser that really does transport you into other galactic realms. Not necessarily the most memorable of twee-pop nuggets but certainly an intriguing listen with its optimistic layered vocals cooing.
In Review: Urban dictionary
In between spay-painting small horses with swastikas and sniffing glue the youth of today still like to chew the fat from time to time. Unfortunately the cretins have adopted a bizarre type of new-speak which can leave “me-mans” (myself and some of my close friends) “well vexed” (Perplexed, Peeved). That’s where the Urban dictionary comes in. With this peer monitored compendium of British and American slang you can find out what the little twazocks actually said to you before you walked off full of impotent rage and self loathing. Yay. To elaborate. After hearing a rap-tune recently I heard the word “skeet” a term with which I was unfamiliar. Consulting the Urban dictionary I discovered that skeet is a verb that describes, “Bustin’ a nut in a skizzles grill” or, the act of ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Other notable explanations submitted included the rather quaint: “To drop a banana item in Mario Kart 64, thereby causing a trailing opponent to slip on it and skid out” and the colorful “Something I would love to do on the Olsen twins. “The real fun lies in contrasting the Neanderthal with the surely mock-serious entries. Of course some helpful souls point out the real meaning of the word (something to do with clay pigeon shooting) but it is all done very tongue in cheek. A running dialogue on the site led one poster to claim it was a word which White people only heard about from the comedian Dave Chapelle. This in turn led one of his fellows to inform us that it is a completely fictional word invented by black people because they needed something to do in between collecting welfare cheques. As if via osmosis the stupidity seeps into you brain and you can impress the Gs in your hood with your newfound knowledge and/or prejudices lest ye be merced by your in the know peers.
Arcade Fire - Intervention
As a fan of Arcade Fire, I really want to plug this single. But Intervention is not very good, sounding more like a hymn than their angry selves. There are better tracks on the album Neon Bible, so buy that instead. Or see them live.
Billy Whizz
Lizzie Pook celebrates the cult legend behind some of the best movies of the last 25 years. All hail Bill Murray...
Vagina Monologues
The Vagina Monologues: well, let’s just say I was pleasantly surprised. Thinking The Vagina Monologues was going to be full of feminists lecturing about women’s rights, I was initially apprehensive. As it turned out, I was entertained by the real-life experiences of several women and yes, you’ve guessed it, their vaginas.
Klaxons - Gravity’s Rainbow
Bursting out of the traps like a sprightly ‘Nu Rave’ greyhound is Gravity’s Rainbow. While the band might have since started a cult, popularised glow-sticks and revived indie-dance music, this re-released track is perhaps their finest moment, with thumping drums and a bass line to die for.