Oldies But Goodies/Baddies

Super Mario Brothers

When I was five I loved this game, and I still love it now. It was best played on its original UK release format the NES. Having no save function meant that after 15 arduous hours of Koopa stomping, the ridiculously un-ergonomic pad became harder to hold on to than a monogamous girlfriend at an ‘I-look-a-lot-like-that-guy-your-girlfriend-fancies’ party. Perseverance as always was the key, and after numerous sick days I found myself treated to the delightful end sequence. Mario has crossed both fire and ice, dealt with monsters the likes of which most plumbers will never encounter. He could have stayed at home charging extortionate prices for fixing stop cocks. But he went out on a limb for love. And how does frigid Princess Peach repay him? A simple, platonic kiss. At-the tender age of five I learnt a valuable lesson about the class system. Mario, no matter how hard he tries will always be a plumber and Kate Middleton will never reply to my letters.

Dom Mukwamba-Sendall

Game Gear and T.V. Tuner

Some (misguided) people derided Sega’s Game Gear because it consumed more batteries than the four grave-dodging slags in Sex and the City combined, had few decent games and weighed more than Australia. These naysayers have clearly never experienced the TV Tuner attachment. Just like Mogwais and water, or Paul and Barry Chuckle, when these forces combine they equal far more than the sum of their parts. The TV Tuner gracefully attached itself to the game slot in the top of the ‘Gear, and enabled the lucky user to actually watch real telly! (Signal available in 4% of the UK). Fun for all the family then, as little Jimmy could get lost in Sharky and George, Dad could thrill to his favorite soccer team, and Uncle Merv could watch Channel 4 Racing if only he could get his shaky rollie-stained fingers to work the bloody thing.
Tom Birts

Mini Disc Players

The entire concept was crap. Transferring music onto a MD was a gargantuan task, and the only advantage the MD player had over the personal CD player was the size. Three years ago the latest MD player would’ve set you back around £150, you can buy a 30G video ipod for £180 now. Even worse than the impracticality of the MD player was the kind of people who used them: I remember being greeted by a guy at the end of a charity walk who was interviewing people for the happening Isle of Wight radio with a microphone attached to his mini-disc player; he kept looking from me to his MD player and nodding as if I was supposed to think he was cool. The MD player should definitely be relegated to room 101.