Quench
The Outfit
The Shit-Abyss
By Sam Curtis and polar bear expert John Lott
Every so often a game comes along which is so offensively bad that words can’t easily describe it. The Outfit is one such game so I’ll do my best to outline its crimes.
Its main characters are familiar Vietnam veteran stereotypes: lantern-jawed, cigar smoking and really really angry, perhaps because they’ve been clumsily shoe-horned into a World War Two scenario. Its storyline seems to have been lifted, hideous German stereotypes and all, from post-war comics for boys. This results in some truly inexcusable trivialisations including most damningly its own cartoon war crimes!
The Outfit is also blighted by some of the most unresponsive, linear, derivative and shoddy game mechanics I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter ensuring that its utterly hateable. To add insult to injury, for a game released on the most powerful console currently available, the graphics are underwhelming and easily achievable on even a PS2. All this can be yours for a mere £50 (now that’s value for money). I could go on but it doesn’t deserve the effort so here are a few polar bear facts instead:
- A polar bear’s skin is black and its fur is transparent.
- Polar bears are so well insulated that they overheat when they run.
- Single bears have been known to trek and swim as far as 3,000 miles across seas and tundra in search of food.
- It can take a lot of seals to satisfy a polar bear.
- A polar bear can smell a seal more than 20 miles away.
Hooray for polar bears!
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