Quench
The shape of trends to come
Fashion Matt plays Mystic Meg and peers into his crystal ball to brings you this year’s fashion predictions
Greetings fashionistas! Welcome to a new year and yet another 365 days to get judged on the basis of what you wear. But, fear not – Fashion Matt is here to tenderly caress you through the trends of 2007.
This year will most definitely see the high street moronically interpret one of the more recent music crazes and you should prepare to witess the birth (and certain death) of Nu-rave fashion. For inspiration regarding all things nu-rave you should check out British designer Cassette Playa, who has been displaying her acid ridden garments at London Fashion Week for more years than the Klaxons have existed. If you’re thinking of indulging in nu-rave fashion then you should most definitely steer clear of your friends who are overly sensitive to strobe lighting. By teaming yellow jeans with a lime green t-shirt and a fluorescent psychedelic jacket you will have transformed yourself into an epileptic’s nightmare.
Further blurring the lines of music and fashion will be Chav-chic. Lilly ‘the pear’ Allen can add another title to her Queen of MySpace belt as the founder of chav-chic. This trend will turn the working class’ wardrobe into super-cute kitsch; so much so that if you’re not careful you’ll turn yourself into one big tracksuit wearing ‘ta da!’ Think more Lilly Allen and less Goldie Lookin’ Chain.
April of this year will see Topshop resembling the M25 during rush hour as Kate Moss releases her specially designed clothing line for the store. Of course, she’s actually getting her mate, Creative Director at Alexander McQueen, Katy England, to do the actual designing bit but I’m sure that won’t hinder a million Moss-wannabes from splashing out.
2007 will also see the release of Factory Girl, a biopic based on the life of everybody’s favourite 60’s babe, Edie Sedgwick. This is more than likely to persuade a thousand girls to get the chop and sport
Sedgwick’s pixie boy haircut. I would recommend that if you’ve even an inkling to copy her barnet then you should go for it. After all, if Sabrina the Teenage Witch taught me anything then it‘s that ‘hair grows.’
On the other hand, if straightening your hair everyday is making your scalp so flaky that it makes the back of your coat look like there’s been a minor snowfall, then you may want to grow it into a pile of wild pubic shrubbery, a la The Horrors. Apparently, even GQ thinks this will be cool this year.
As for the boys, a trend that’s sure to shift is skinny jeans. Such constriction around the crotch has meant one in three emo kids now suffer from squashed testicles and an omnipresent yeast infection. Don’t kill your groin by means of asphyxiation – try to slip into a pair of straight leg jeans at least once a week.
This Week
Latest Edition
Love school
(or how to have a good study break date)
Mixtape 2
The alternative evening to the volume next door begins with The Spencer McGarry Season, a three man band from Cardiff, who boast a delightfully upbeat, eclectic sound, with jangly guitars and effortless vocals. Both charming and infectious, they’ll make you tap your feet, smile and bob your head like a dickhead. Maybe it’s the braces.
Mark Ronson - Version
Does what it says on the tin
In Review: Urban dictionary
In between spay-painting small horses with swastikas and sniffing glue the youth of today still like to chew the fat from time to time. Unfortunately the cretins have adopted a bizarre type of new-speak which can leave “me-mans” (myself and some of my close friends) “well vexed” (Perplexed, Peeved). That’s where the Urban dictionary comes in. With this peer monitored compendium of British and American slang you can find out what the little twazocks actually said to you before you walked off full of impotent rage and self loathing. Yay. To elaborate. After hearing a rap-tune recently I heard the word “skeet” a term with which I was unfamiliar. Consulting the Urban dictionary I discovered that skeet is a verb that describes, “Bustin’ a nut in a skizzles grill” or, the act of ejaculating onto a woman’s face. Other notable explanations submitted included the rather quaint: “To drop a banana item in Mario Kart 64, thereby causing a trailing opponent to slip on it and skid out” and the colorful “Something I would love to do on the Olsen twins. “The real fun lies in contrasting the Neanderthal with the surely mock-serious entries. Of course some helpful souls point out the real meaning of the word (something to do with clay pigeon shooting) but it is all done very tongue in cheek. A running dialogue on the site led one poster to claim it was a word which White people only heard about from the comedian Dave Chapelle. This in turn led one of his fellows to inform us that it is a completely fictional word invented by black people because they needed something to do in between collecting welfare cheques. As if via osmosis the stupidity seeps into you brain and you can impress the Gs in your hood with your newfound knowledge and/or prejudices lest ye be merced by your in the know peers.
Mixtape 1
Why are you so shit?’ Another Gindrinker concert, another moron not quite getting it. To be fair, it’s not hard to see why, screeched vocals about Bullseye and guitar rape in abundance does not a happy emo crowd make.
Student Stereotypes
Which one are you?
Dazed and Diffused
Mariam Bashorun and Leah Eynon review the celebrity designed clothing lines invading the highstreet
Orange Goblin - Healing Through Fire
Purple Mushroomfish