Student Stereotypes

Which one are you?

Fabulous Fashionista

Waltzing into lectures in their going-out clobber and swanning into seminars with a full-face of make-up and not a hair out of place, they look like they’re dressed for a big night out in Tiger Tiger. The dirty little stop-outs haven’t been home! But wait a minute, yes they have, this is actually how they like to look for the stresses and strains of everyday life.

We’ve all seen them and smirked at their attempt to dress to impress. OK, so maybe in the first week you tried to look presentable in the hope of bagging the handsome stranger in the corner, but when you realised they were just a dream, the beauty regime soon faded away into a distant memory. When you roll out of bed with 15 minutes to go, they’ve already been up for 3 hours washing, blow-drying and straightening their hair, applying their foundation, concealer, bronzer, eyeshadow, mascara, eye-liner, blusher and lip-gloss, before changing their outfit 5 times until they find the one that best flaunts their faaaabulous figure.

Except nobody notices. Because we’re still bleary-eyed from our lack of sleep. But whereas our lack of sleep is due to a mad night out that we’ll remember long into the future, theirs is because they’re desperate to impress people who are finding it difficult to even see as far as the end of their own nose. But don’t tell them all their efforts have gone to waste. Because later on when you’ve got some caffeine down you and spot one in the street, you can have a good chuckle to yourself at their vanity and comical appearance.

Student ‘Grant’

Student Grant has become a legendary icon of student culture. He is a product of the troubled middle-aged mind; a phantom created mainly by Victor Meldrew, who bitterly resent student living due to their own rapidly decreasing youth.

Student Grant, a Nirvana throwback, is lazy, broke, and has poor hygiene. His bathroom is self cleaning and he only washes his clothes when he realises he has nothing – and I mean nothing – left to wear. His hair hasn’t seen a brush, shampoo or a hairdresser since the 1990s.

When not busy “learning”, Student Grant, if lucky, will wake up from the coma he put himself into the night before, (his loan came through yesterday) and find himself on his mate’s bathroom floor. Thus follows he will unpeel the slice of the deep pan meat feast from his cheek and in true Neanderthal style lurch sloth-like to the kitchen in search of last night’s kebab or baked beans (Tesco value). After demolishing said kebab, he will open a can of foreign beer from Lidl and proceed to sit and watch crappy daytime TV.

After sitting for several hours in a trashed sitting room, surrounded by leftover chicken off the bone, Carling cans and takeaway leaflets, Student Grant decides to take leave of the sofa and sloppily makes his way (headphones safely glued to his head) to his local watering hole to watch an underground band play ‘real’ music.

Basically, in the words of a true middle-aged moaner Student Grant is a waste of tax payer’s money.

The Journalist

Hi! What do you do? And how do you know…?” (substitute “…” for name of respected associate here). This is the typical introduction you are faced with upon meeting a student journo media whore.

We, the scarf-wearing, notebook-wielding hacks, snoop around the cool bars and cultural hotspots playing eye-spy amongst the masses in an attempt to sidle up to the new Mr Horrors on the scene.

From our pathetically mediocre efforts at writing music, making clothes and acting we covet recognition in the next best thing – to write for the NME!

Typing away into the early hours we burn the candle at both ends racing to meet the Dead Line. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, box of badges, and the number of the boy on the merch stand. We promote, advertise, critically acclaim and backstab. Don’t step on my turf.

We are dedicated followers of fashion (but we won’t admit it – we have our own “individual style”). Forget Hendrix – Jo Whiley is my idol. Without a MySpace account to my name my friends list reduces by 300. And I dare you to show your face at an event without your guest-list status (or I may fail to recognise you when I next see you out…)