The Jock

By Amy Grier

This unique species seem to breed only in the highly charged, competitive and testosterone filled world of University Sports. For the most part, they can be found loitering outside the back of the Union on a Wednesday, proudly wearing their red and black jackets.

In the natural world, red and black are used by insects that aren’t really poisonous to scare other animals so that they don’t eat them. It is bravado, a defence mechanism. Possibly the same can be said for our loveable jocks. However, it is the jocks’ nocturnal activities that are the most interesting.

They hunt in packs – Rubber Duck being their preferred watering hole. They ditch the tracksuits and don instead very tight beige chinos, white shirts (rolled up at the sleeves) and navy blue ties. These trained hunters plume and strut around Solus, communicating in a series of strange grunts and cheers which presumably only their fellow jocks can understand.

Sometimes they can be observed taking part in some primordial bonding rituals, groups of them competing in such worthy events as ‘who can shout the loudest’, (Latin name: ‘Gigantum Pratus’), or another of my personal favourites – ‘who can down their drink the fastest’, (aka: ‘Spilimus Maximus Drinkus Downium Shirtus’).

But to the Jocks, I salute you! Rubber Duck would not be the same without you. And a warning to those not accustomed to the Jock; if you see on in their natural habitat approach with caution; they have been known to charge at unknown invaders. You have been warned!