Men are from Mars...

Andy Tweddle studies the state of monogamy and wonders if such a thing is possible in Cardiff’s gay scene

Gay guys are sluts. Not all of us, of course, but with the combination of men generally hating commitment and loving sex, the gay scene can often spell disaster central with maximum cock and minimal emotion.

Boy arrives at X, boy meets other boy, a night of VK Blue-infused passion ensues and all we have to show for it is a ‘we hooked up’ relationship on Facebook. Is this really all we have now? Can’t gays find an ultimate soul mate and run away with them? Is romance officially dead?

The concept of gay couples and commitment is one being heavily disputed and discussed in the media today. Civil partnerships and similar are now a fully-fledged part of society and this is great – but a closer look might suggest gay marriage is not as concrete as a heterosexual marriage.

Pursuing my gay singledom I found myself on a hot date with the TV last week and happened upon a show called ‘Wedding Stories’. The programme follows betrothed couples on the run up to the big day, chronicling all the disasters, angst and wrenching heartache that comes along with the beauty of marriage. As luck would have it two gay couples were featured on this particular episode – I bolted for the fridge, whacked out a bottle of Pinot and settled in for an hour of unadulterated amazingness.

The first couple were lesbians having a Rocky Horror themed wedding (stereotyping? The BBC?), more interesting were the second pair – two gay guys, seemingly of sound mind, getting hitched with no gimmicks and little pink. On a night out, however, one of the grooms-to-be kissed another man.

I was crushed. I couldn’t believe this relationship that I’d invested at least 15 minutes in was doomed. Then came the revelation that, in fact, these particular boys don’t mind their future husbands pulling randomers, so long as it’s OK-ed by the other first. It struck me that this would rarely happen in a heterosexual relationship.

On more than one occasion I have been approached by two men in a club and offered the coveted role of being their ‘third’. Flattering – yes. Appealing – hell no. It doesn’t help that I’m a hopeless romantic but this kind of strikes me as a little odd… and borderline nauseating.

The gay club is a funny old thing. It’s the only place you can meet someone you find hot and know that you might have a chance in them liking you back… but the very fact that they’re there almost seems to tar them with an Amyl Nitrate-laced brush. As soon as you start talking to a potential soul-mate you are forced to contemplate over how many people surrounding you they’ve shagged previously. Pride and Prejudice the gay scene is most certainly not.

Don’t get me wrong, I love gay clubbing – the music, the dressing up, the seven drink minimum – but I know I won’t meet the love of my life while dancing to the Girls Aloud Megamix. Basically I feel that the validity and importance of a gay relationship isn’t fully respected when certain members of the team decide to play away.

Gay and straight relationships will never be wholly the same as the differences are just too huge to overcome. But to be in a relationship that is founded on trust and loyalty can give such a huge sense of wholeness that an open relationship just can’t offer.

Maybe I’m being silly. Maybe the guys asking for the threesome are happy. Maybe they’ll go on to have a Rocky Horror-themed wedding and carry on completely content with the way they’ve lived their lives. And maybe, just maybe, some of us will find love in the most unexpected way, and run away.