Quench
Stars in their Eyes Kids
By TV Willy, Buried in the tundra
Stars In their Eyes has been going on so long now that it still feels like a pleasant change from the rest of the reality dross that fills Saturday nights in the same way.
Around the time of the Matthew Kelly ‘incident’, Stars‚Ķ starting doing an edition wherein liddle kiddies performed their own, particularly awful, versions of The Hits. Somehow, this televisual masterstroke passed me by, but a few drab Saturday nights, with only Tess Daly and Vernon Kay to keep me company, have meant that I’m now quite hooked.
A few weeks ago, young Kelly Griggs from Somerset put aside all teenage inhibitions to frump up as Welsh power balladeer (Powerdeer? Power Ranger?) Bonnie Tyler and convinced an audience of relatives and seniles to vote her through to the final. She did pull it off though. Which is more than can be said for some.
Enter wee Slim Shady, a thirteen-yea-old Eminem impersonator. Of course I say impersonator, but that’s impersonator solely in the sense that when someone takes a photograph of me I’m a Kate Moss impersonator. ‘Slim’ didn’t let not being able to rap stop him from murdering (by drive-by?) Marshall Mathers’ Without Me. Inability aside, the best bit was when we saw the behind the scenes look. The make-up crew gave the quasi-authentic Slim Shady the full works: shaved head, blonde hair dye and‚Ķ a bandana to cover it all up! Hooray! How utterly pointless.
Poor little sod, he’ll probably get suspended from his prestigious boarding school for that.
Talent-wise, this series of SITEK has no equal to Ben Rogers. Ben, a nine-year-old and two-foot high (including 10-inch glam boots) Noddy Holder. Complete with Wolverhampton accent and sideburns fluffier than Cat Deely’s presenting, Rogers growls out Come On Feel The Noize with the gusto of a forty-year old Black Country rugby player ‚Äì complete with the 40-a-day habit. He hasn’t half got a croak for a prepubescent.
In short (which he is) wee Noddy is better than anything that’s been on Saturday night gutter TV since Gladiators in its pomp.
Who needs warbling Alison Moyet look-alikes when we have this?
This Week
Latest Edition
In Review: COMMAND & CONQUER 3: TIBERIUM WARS
I’ve looked forward to this game for ages and now I’m disappointed. If this game had been released four years ago it would be hailed as one of the best RTS in history, it would have received plaudits from the most resonant of it’s critics and I would’ve been absolutely chevved.
Mixtape 2
The alternative evening to the volume next door begins with The Spencer McGarry Season, a three man band from Cardiff, who boast a delightfully upbeat, eclectic sound, with jangly guitars and effortless vocals. Both charming and infectious, they’ll make you tap your feet, smile and bob your head like a dickhead. Maybe it’s the braces.
The Electric Soft Parade - No Need To Be Downhearted
It’s electrifying...and soft
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81
Left-eye Lopez’s tragic demise
Arcade Fire - Intervention
As a fan of Arcade Fire, I really want to plug this single. But Intervention is not very good, sounding more like a hymn than their angry selves. There are better tracks on the album Neon Bible, so buy that instead. Or see them live.
LCD Soundsystem
To call LCD Soundsystem a ‘band’ would be somewhat like calling Robbie Williams ‘a bit of a drama queen.’ LCD Soundsystem are a fully-fledged multi-limbed funk contraption.
The Gig-goer
Nick leans on the bar, pint in hand; his head nodding slightly to the music. His face is masked by long, greasy strands of hair, (he tells people that he hasn’t had it cut in over a year with a sense of pride). At last the headlining band come on stage, and Nick downs his pint and lurches forward into the crowd.
The Voices - The Sound of Young America
The Sound of Young Cardiff
The Jock
This unique species seem to breed only in the highly charged, competitive and testosterone filled world of University Sports. For the most part, they can be found loitering outside the back of the Union on a Wednesday, proudly wearing their red and black jackets.